Chris AndrewsChris Andrews

Maer Wilson – Methods to My Madness: Guest Post

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Today I have Maer Wilson here to talk about her writing process, a subject I find endlessly fascinating. Her first novel, Relics, is set to be released by Crescent Moon Press on May 1.

Photo of Maer WilsonSo, you want to know about the process I use to write? The methods to my personal writing madness?

You do realise that going into the mind of a writer can be a dangerous thing, right? I mean, I could tell you stories! No, no, not about me, but about my friends.

Me? I’m actually fairly normal. Sorta, kinda. In a writerly sort of way.

My writing space is at my desk on my pc.

That sounds pretty tame, right? And it is; except that my pc is a gaming computer and set up for ultimate comfort. Yes, that means a footstool under the desk and cushions on my executive chair. Anyway, you get the idea.

I read how friends are writing at lunch on their laptops and such and I envy them a little bit. The most I could write on my laptop is notes.

I need to be at my desk, kicked back with feet up as I type away.

Sometimes I don’t type at all, but use Dragon Naturally Speaking to dictate my novel. About a third of Book Two was dictated. Most often, though, I type, as long as my arm and hand will cooperate.

Music is usually on. Not songs. I don’t’ want to start typing lyrics or anything, but film and gaming soundtracks are great background music. Especially the more epic soundtracks help me stay pumped and crank out the words.

When I’m in writing mode, I write fast.

– The first draft for my first novel (97,000 words) was written in five weeks. –

I wrote a few notes, but mostly I just let the characters take over and the story went places I never thought it would.

Book Two took about nine weeks this past summer, but those were broken up into two stints, one during Camp NaNoWriMo in August.

I have a general idea where my book is going to go, but I’m not always sure how it will get there.

Book Two took an unexpected and (hopefully) awesome turn toward the end.

Major confession time – my entire series has gone places I never expected. I thought I was writing some Urban Fantasy mysteries. Turns out it is a much larger story than that.

I keep a cast list of characters, with ages, relationships, names and years.

Since Book One covers about fifteen years and the series is growing, I need to track some things. That list also has the odd note in it here and there. Lines I want a character to say, something that I want to incorporate. That sort of thing. But there are no outlines and few details.

As the series has progressed, I’ve become more sure what happens in each book. Mostly.

Going into Book Three now, I again know where it’s supposed to be going. Not that there’s any guarantee it won’t take another turn and end up somewhere I hadn’t expected.

My characters can be unruly, fun and surprising, which I love.

They each take on their own lives and I let them tell me their stories. Which is fine with me!

Crescent Moon Press "Coming Soon" image.Besides, if I don’t tell their stories, they hammer and yammer inside my head until I let them out. But that’s perfectly normal, right? See? Like I said before: I’m pretty normal.

After a successful career being other people, and later teaching others the many tricks of that trade, Maer Wilson has decided to be herself for a while. Turns out she’s a writer. She’s always loved stories, especially fantasy, mystery and sci fi. She has a dragon-themed room in her home, but sadly no dragons in the back yard. When she’s not writing, Maer plays online video games, teaches college and reads. She lives in the high desert of Southern Nevada with her two dogs, a chihuahua and a poodle. Relics is her first novel and will be released by Crescent Moon Press on May 1, 2013. You can visit her website at maerwilson.com.

Guest Post by Christine Rains about her Writing Process

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I’m always interested in how other writers approach their writing, and today I’m honoured to have Christine Rains, author of The Dragonslayer, drop by to discuss her process.

The Dragonslayer CoverHi, my name is Christine and I’m a pantser.

I’m a little jealous of the plotters. I wish I could create an outline of a story and happily stick with it. It would improve the structure in the first draft, and I’m betting it would save me time.

I’ve tried. Oh how have I tried! But my stories refuse to be bound by an outline. It’s frustrating, but at the same time, I love being a pantser.

A pantser is a writer who writes by the seat of their pants. Someone who lets the story grow organically.

Plotters have at least a general outline before they start writing. They know what their novel is going to be about before the first words are on the paper or screen.

I’ve been asked many times by plotters: how do you write a story if you don’t know what it’s going to be about?

Easy. I just write.

Usually I have an idea of a concept or character first. Most of the time, it’s a character since I do focus on characterisation a lot. Then I start writing and let that character tell me her/his story.

I place my trust in my characters to know what they’re doing.

I love the weird and wonderful places my characters take me, the twists and turns in the plots, and the surprise endings. Yes, every ending is a surprise.

I’m in love with writing first drafts. It’s probably why I have such a rough time revising.

Thankfully I don’t ramble a lot, and I rarely have odd plots that don’t go anywhere. Somehow, everything just seems to work out in the end.

Do I have any advice for pantsers? Delight in the first draft, but prepare yourself to be tough during the revisions.

Have faith in yourself and listen to your characters. They know what they’re doing.

My name is Christine. I’m a pantser and I love it.

The Dragonslayer (The 13th Floor series, #3):

On the rooftop of a neighboring building, dragonslayer Xanthus Ehrensvard fires at his target, Governor Whittaker. How he missed the shot, he doesn’t know, but fleeing the scene, he picks up an unwanted passenger. Gorgeous reporter Lois King saw Xan’s face, and she believes it’s the story to make her career. Except he can’t let her walk away knowing what he looks like. Xan has to show her the Governor is a bigger threat to the world than he is.

Xan knows dragons never went extinct. They evolved with human society, taking on mortal forms, and slithered their way into positions of great influence and power, just like the Governor. But it’s no easy chore proving to someone that dragons still exist, and even more so, they’re disguised as famous people. Xan must convince Lois or find another way to silence her. An option, as he gets to know her, he likes less and less.

After all, dragonslayers are no longer celebrated heroes but outlaws. Just as the dragons wish it. But this outlaw must make a plan to slay the dragon or risk its retribution.

Christine RainsChristine Rains is a writer, blogger, and geek mom. She has four degrees which help nothing with motherhood, but make her a great Jeopardy player. When she’s not writing or reading, she having adventures with her son or watching cheesy movies on Syfy Channel. She’s a member of S.C.I.F.I. The 13th Floor series is her first self-published series. She has four novellas and eighteen short stories published. You can buy The Dragonslayer via Amazon, B&N, Smashwords, Kobo and Goodreads.

If you found Christine’s post interesting, you might also like to take a look at some writer interviews.

7 Line Challenge

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A woman standing hip deep in water holding a delicately carved shell.

A big thanks to Meredith Pritchard for tagging me in the 7 Line Challenge.

A woman standing hip deep in water holding a delicately carved shell.The 7 Line Challenge works a bit like The Next Big Thing, but instead of a Q&A you go to page 7 or 77 of your manuscript, find line 7, and grab the next 7 lines of text and paste them in your blog.

You then tag seven new people to do the same.

My 7 Line Challenge comes from page 7 of Epicentre, the mermaid story I’m currently editing…

“Sometimes you have to kill to survive, Grace. All life struggles in one way or another, and we’re part of that cycle. We keep the balance by taking the injured, the unlucky, and the stupid.” Maree glanced around the beach. “And sometimes we take those who don’t deserve it. It’s how life works.”

“I know,” Grace said, staring at the sand clinging to her feet.

“How about I help you pick someone? That way you can blame me and you won’t have to feel guilty.”

I only got tagged myself today. I’ll put a call out and add people as they opt in. Tag(s) so far:

 

The Story and the Plot

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SwordsIf you’ve been following me in any of the circles I tend to move in, you might know I’m writing a novel about a blind swordswoman, and possibly that I’m struggling with it.

It’s set in the same world as my epic fantasy, but in an earlier time and in a different kingdom.

The plot is simple: it’s about her mastering a sword of power and defeating the ruling Warlord. Think Gladiator meets almost any Chinese martial arts movie in an historical setting, and you’ve probably got it.

Her story, however, is entirely different, and this is what I’m struggling with.

Any reluctant hero could fulfil the plot, but to give it emotional impact, the plot has to become just as personal as the things she cares about. They need to intersect.

What she cares about is her father, the local villagers, and the slave girl her father rescued a few years back.

She also has a bit of a chip on her shoulder. She’s blind, but determined not to let it hold her back.

She’s fought for years to become self-sufficient, to develop her skills with the blade, and to be able to look after herself without help. What she fears most is having that freedom taken away.

Her story, then, has to about protecting the people she cares about while fighting for freedom.

Therefore, to create a novel, the plot and everything she cares about need to come into conflict.

The question is, what’s the best way to do this? I’ve got a bunch of ideas on where I want it to go, but the beginning is really stumping me.

How do I set it up so all this comes through, without looking like I’m trying to set up anything?

If you’ve got any thoughts on matter, I’d be more than keen to hear them.

Otherwise, you’ll find some more interesting posts on story development in The Craft.

Two More (Hidden) Elements of Novels

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The moment I hit the ‘publish’ on The Top Ten (Hidden) Elements of Novels, I ground my teeth.

Two more additions popped into my mind. Rather than amend the post, I figured I’d drop them into a new one. They are:

Cliffhangers

Cliffhangers have come a long way from the days of ‘join us next week when we find out if our hero will survive the…’ Cliffhangers have evolved to help shape a story, to pose a question or throw in a twist at the end of a chapter that begs to be discovered. Sometimes it’s as simple as having something intrude into a scene before all the questions can be fully answered, giving people a reason to read on. If you’re subtle enough, people won’t even realise there’s a cliffhanger there, they’ll just have a burning desire to continue reading.

Buttons

Buttons? Seriously? Yup, buttons. If you’re lacking that killer cliffhanger ending to a chapter, a button is another way to draw a reader on. A button is a simple sentence – sometimes a comment, sometimes a bit of dialogue, sometimes even a joke. It can be anything from… ‘Thunder boomed in the distance, an ominous sound to match her growing unease’, to ‘You might be right, but you’re still ugly’. Whatever grabs attention, draws a smile or gives a sense of continuity – the assurance that there’s more to come and it’s only going to get better.

The previous post on the topic: The Top 10 (Hidden) Elements of Novels.

The Top 10 (Hidden) Elements of Novels

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It took me a long time to figure out there was more to writing a novel than creating a hero with a problem, and playing it out over the loose scaffolding of a beginning, middle, and end.

1. Conflict and Threat

Internal, external and interpersonal conflict is essential to your story, and each has an entirely different impact on how events play out. While conflict is not the same as a story’s threat, it’s often tied into it in some way. Threat is the potential. Conflict is immediate. You need to work them out and incorporate them.

2. Emotion

The emotional needs, desires and problems for your characters, which if done well (and combined with the story’s threat and conflicts), will generate empathy among your readers and lead to an unputdownable page-turner. Character is story, and for a story to work your characters need to care (desperately) about something.

3. Theme

A novel needs a deeper meaning, and that meaning is a concept neatly wrapped up in a slippery little word called ‘theme’. Theme isn’t something along the lines of love or sacrifice or hope – at best those are expressions of a theme. No. Theme is a statement – with your story acting as the stage to debate it.

4. Beginning

Beginnings, middles and ends seem so simple – but each part needs to achieve something very specific. Believe it or not, the beginning of your novel isn’t actually the beginning of your story – it’s the introduction to your characters and their world. The story starts when the beginning’s over, because that’s when the protagonist leaves their comfortable world – by choice or otherwise.

5. Middle A

The middle makes up half your novel and is divided into two parts. The first part (Middle A) lets your protagonist discover what they’re really in for. It’s the fun part of your story, culminating in the realisation that there’s no easy option – and certainly no turning back.

6. Middle B

The third quarter (Middle B) is where things get serious and everything they’ve been striving for falls apart. This is where you raise the stakes to the point where all is lost, climaxing with some sort of false victory or defeat that sets the scene for the final battle.

7. Ending

To conclude your novel, your hero(s) regroup, form a plan and take the actions that eventually see them reach a satisfying resolution (or, at least, it better be satisfying if you want people to recommend it to their friends). It helps to tie up loose ends and if necessary, set the scene for sequels.

8. Sequences

If you’ve never heard about sequences, look them up. They’re mini-stories within the bigger story, often spanning several chapters – like how a character becomes a werewolf, or how a couple meet. There needs to be an equal number of sequences too, the total divisible by four and divided into the beginning, middle A, middle B, and end.

9. The Premise

Whatever else you do, make sure you meet the promise of your story’s premise. If you promise a story about a girl trying to survive assassins, everything that happens must contribute to setting up, sustaining and resolving that promise.

10. Cause & Effect

Even when you think you have everything right, writing a Cause and Effect can pick up problems. Every cause must generate an effect, and every effect has to lead to a new cause. Look hard at your story and if necessary rework it to create an unbroken chain of effects from beginning to end.

To see how most of these structural elements fit together, take a look at my Novel Structure Diagram. Other elements can be found in The Craft.

If you liked this post, you might also like two additional elements I forgot to mention, Hooks and Buttons.

New Year’s Resolutions

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2013 has struck, but oddly enough I haven’t planned what I want to achieve this year. I’ve got a few things in motion already, so I thought I’d better write it down and build on it.

So, here’s my resolutions:

  1. Keep putting my epic fantasy out there until it finds a home with an agent/publisher.
  2. Finish editing my mermaid novel and start sending it out.
  3. Write the first draft of my blind swordswoman novel.
  4. Give at least two writers workshops.
  5. Attend at least two conventions.
  6. Firmly establish the Fantasy Writers community on Google+.
  7. Write and find a home for at least one short story.
  8. Write at least three guest posts on other blogs.

I could go add to that (considerably), but I think it comes down to what you’ll be happy with, rather than pie-in-the-sky stuff that’s largely unachieveable. With luck I’ll exceed it, but the plan is just to get it done at this stage.

The Next Big Thing

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Close up of Justin Woolley
Justin Woolley

Fellow writer and (don’t tell him I said so) bloody nice guy Justin Woolley has tagged me in The Next Big Thing.

The Next Big Thing is a series of questions a writer answers about their work in progress and then tags more writers who do the same, giving you an endless chain of new and established writers to discover.

Check out Justin’s Next Big Thing.

1. What is the working title of your next book?

I didn’t know this was going to be so hard! I’m not sure what to talk about.

The book I’ve just started writing is called Lost in Darkness (a standalone). It’s about a blind blademaster who must save her father from the country’s ruling Warlord.

Welcome to Earth is a (half written) star-crossed lovers urban fantasy story which began life as a pilot episode for a television series. It’s also something of a prequel to the epic fantasy I’m currently shopping around.

Epicentre (the first of a trilogy) is about a reluctant mermaid who accidently starts a supernatural war with a succubus. The first draft is complete.

Prophecy of Power: Quarry is an epic fantasy in all the right ways. I recently pitched it to Literary Agent Ginger Clark at Curtis Brown (US), who asked for the first fifty pages (yay me!). It’s about a headstrong princess who is being hunted by assassins.

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

Prophecy of Power book coverI’ll talk about Prophecy of Power: Quarry, as it’s ready to go.

The initial idea was for a group of people who each have a special ‘power’ to come together and take on the bad guy who’d conquered everything. (Tragic, I know.)

Fortunately I learned a few things and the story evolved into a young girl’s struggle to survive in a very dangerous world. It’s the first of a four book series.

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Epic fantasy. The tropes are all there, but hopefully I’ve avoided the clichés and brought something fresh to it all.

4. What actors would you choose to play the parts of your characters in a movie rendition?

Most of the characters are young, or look young (immortality does that to you), so it would require casting ‘fresh young talent’. It’s probably a bit pointless picking today’s young actors as they’d be too old by the time the realities of developing a movie came into play.

If I could turn back the clock and make people youthful again, I’d probably go with:

  • Milla Jovovich (if you can imagine her with curly red hair) as sixteen-year old Caroline (she can be both kickarse and vulnerable at the same time)
  • Shiri Appleby (from Roswell) as fifteen-year old Kirsty (she projects a gentle, caring nature)
  • Hugh Jackman as Elias (at his rugged, fighting best)
  • Ian McKellan as Allyn (he has a certain presence and authority)
  • Chris Hemsworth as Dobbin (he can do easy-going, while at the same time he’s not to be messed with). Oddly enough, he’s probably the only one at about the right age – maybe even a little too young.

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

A headstrong princess is forced into an unwanted destiny when assassins try to prevent her from ever fulfilling it.

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I want to go with traditional publishing as it lends a certain amount of credibility to your work. You can still achieve the same thing with self-publishing, but it takes longer.

There’s also all the services a publishing house brings to a novel (such as editing, cover art, marketing, and the less obvious ‘behind the scenes’ administrative stuff).

Time is also a factor. I don’t want to have to become an expert in self-publishing – I’d rather spend my time writing, not working through all the technical details of e-books and print-on-demand and chasing up royalties etc.

Essentially, building an author platform is hard enough with a big publisher behind you. I’ve got no desire to go it alone.

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of the manuscript?

I started writing it when I was sixteen, realised I didn’t have a clue about what I was doing, and so went to university at the age of 21 to learn.

Around that time I also got side-tracked (dating, work, partying), and it wasn’t until I was married and my first child coming along that I realised I’d better get a move on.

Although I finished the first draft before D-Day, I put writing big projects aside for a while after that (you think you’re prepared for children, but you never really are).

I got ‘back on track’ a few years ago, partially due to my father’s unexpected death. Although it was a complete shock, it was also something of a wake-up call.

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

Very tough question.

Maybe Eye of the World by Robert Jordan or Magician by Raymond E Feist, as they both feature a main character coming into their power. Otherwise, there’s similarities to Dune’s Paul Atreides who gets manipulated into greatness.

You could also include any story with a main character who’s been given gifts they don’t want.

Having said that, it’s not really ‘like’ any of them. I can’t think of a bang-on example, which is probably a good thing.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

To a sixteen-year-old it seemed like a pretty simple thing to write a Number 1 International Bestseller, sell a million copies and never have to get a ‘real’ job.

The reality is a little different, unfortunately. I guess everyone would be doing it otherwise.

10. What else about the book might pique the reader’s interest?

I got a bit jaded with epic fantasies a while back – same story, over and over, so I’ve tried to bring something fresh to this book.

It’s a very intimate story, despite being grounded in the epic realm.

There’s supernatural creatures, magic, gritty action and bloodshed, as well as ‘quiet’ character moments and even the beginnings of a love triangle. Something for everyone, hopefully.

With luck it will appeal to readers as much as it does to me.

Okay, now for my tags!

  • Duncan LayDuncan lay with an apple on his head and an arrow through the apple.
    Duncan is the author of the Australian best-selling fantasy trilogy The Dragon Sword Histories, which he followed up with another bestseller, Bridge Of Swords – book one of Empire Of Bones. He’s also a fantastic bloke!
  • Phill BerrieCartoon image of Phill Berrie
    Phill is a good mate of mine and fellow Canberra Speculative Fiction Guild (CSFG) member. He’s recently had some success with his writing too, but you’ll need to visit his site to find out about it.
  • J. Michael MelicanJosh Melican
    I met Josh at GenreCon 2012 after ‘bumping’ into him on Twitter. We instantly hit it off. We both pitched our novels to Literary Agent Ginger Clark, and with luck we’ll get signed and tour our masterpieces together!
  • David DuftyHead and shoulders shot of David Dufty
    David is another of my good mates and CSFG member. He’s had both critical and popular success as the author of How to Build an Android: The True Story of Philip K. Dick’s Robotic Resurrection, and now has a new Next Big Thing.

Cover art for Prophecy of Power: Quarry

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Cartoon image of Les Petersen as a gunslinger.

Professional cover artist (and good mate of mine) Les Petersen has done an amazing cover for my (as yet unpublished) epic fantasy novel.

I’m shopping the novel around for a publisher at the moment, so seeing something like this is inspiring beyond measure.

Bookcover of a man and a woman overlooking a valley.
Bookcover by Les Petersen

Cartoon image of Les Petersen as a gunslinger.Les didn’t ask for a plug, but how could I not?

Although currently rebuilding his website, he’s managed to post a few of his more recent images along with his contact details if you’re looking to hire a fantastic cover artist for your self-published novel. Check out Les Petersen’s website.

Otherwise, why don’t you take a few minutes and read a couple of my published short stories which I’ve reproduced here on my website?

So, You’ve Written a Novel… What next?

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ACT Writers Centre LogoThis article appeared in the December 2012 issue of ACTWrite, the ACT Writers Centre newsletter.

Before you try to sell your book to a publisher (assuming that’s the path you want to take), you need to make your writing as solid as you can; agents and publishers rarely take on a project that needs more than superficial work, and no reader wants a scrappy read – so self-publishing won’t help either.

The question is: how good is good enough?

Getting some feedback should give you that answer.

Other people will see problems you miss because they’ll see it from another perspective. They’ll also pick up on things that are clear in your own mind, but not so clear on paper.

Useful feedback requires some fairly specialised skills from both you and your readers; you need to be willing accept feedback objectively, and a reader must be prepared to tell you about its problems without fear of upsetting you.

A good manuscript assessment service might be the perfect solution, but they’re costly, and you’ll need to do your research first; there’s little point in paying for someone who specialises in literary works if you write fantasy.

A cheaper and more versatile option is other writers

There are plenty of online critique groups (Critters, Authonomy), and Yahoo Groups is particularly useful for setting up your own (or finding one already established.)

If you’ve got the choice, a face-to-face group specifically formed to review each other’s manuscripts works extremely well.

For example, the Canberra Speculative Fiction Guild (CSFG) runs a novel critique group for its members each year, which has the added benefit of providing feedback from people writing in the same genre.

Each month is devoted to critiquing a single novel, and all members of the critique group read it and meet afterward to provide face-to-face feedback followed by a written report.

Thing to consider

Regardless of the format or how you obtain your feedback, there are some things to consider when committing your manuscript to scrutiny.

Firstly, find out what genre and sub-genre each person prefers, their level of writing/editing experience, and their professional qualifications (if any).

The answers may influence the weight of any particular critique, but don’t take it as a hard rule – some people are naturally better at critiquing than others, while writing skills don’t necessarily add up to insight or knowledge.

It’s also easy to forget that people will critique your work based on what they would do. Their preferences and experience will play into their review no matter how good they are at writing or critiquing.

It’s also good to know if someone’s qualifications give them technical insight into your story.

For example, a historian might pick up on historical inaccuracies, a doctor would know a lot about current and/or historical treatments, and an astronomer will have a solid understanding of how the universe works.

Even if you disagree with the responses, assume that if several people say the same thing (even in different ways), more than likely there’s a problem.

That doesn’t mean their suggestions will solve it – only that you might need to do something about it.

Put your ego aside and give it some serious consideration – they’re trying to improve your story, not criticise you.

In fact, you may already have suspicions about your story (what’s not working), and quite likely they’ll be confirmed.

It’s good to hear it from someone else though. It means you’re on the right track.

Figure out what you want out of it

One of the most effective things you can do when putting your story ‘out there’ is to provide a list of questions you want answered.

Start with the general impressions:

  • What did you like and dislike the most? Why?
  • What were the strongest and weakest parts of the story? Why?
  • Did you care about what happened to the characters?
  • Does the plot hold together well?
  • Were there any inconsistencies?

After that, ask for more specific details:

  • key chapters
  • plot points
  • emotional impact
  • character motivations – anything you suspect isn’t working as well as it could.

Also, consider what isn’t said: if your novel is working, it should generate an emotional response.

  • Did people react the way you’d hoped?
  • Did they ask questions about your world and your characters because they were genuinely curious (or because they couldn’t figure something out)?
  • Were they passionate about the beginning, but had little to say about the end?

Listen to what your readers have to say and don’t say, and ask yourself if their feedback can improve your story.

Even an overwhelmingly positive response can generate fresh ideas

If you feel overwhelmed afterward, try writing another novel and revisiting the first when you’ve got some emotional distance. Better yet, write two – and then get more feedback. You can only improve.

However, if you can transport critical readers into your story and have them show genuine enthusiasm for the whole thing, you’ve probably written your final draft. Give it some polish and find an agent.

By Chris Andrews

Read more about the Craft of Writing, or for a bit of a laugh try Pitching to an Agent or Editor – The Cretin’s Guide.

Top 10 ways to Successfully Pitch to an Agent or Editor – The Cretin’s Guide

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1. Arrive late.

It’s what a movie star would do after all – and the best way to achieve success is to model yourself on the successful people who’ve come before you. Agents and editors need to learn to respect ‘the talent’, and you’ve got plenty of it. As punctuality smacks at desperation, never pander to their schedules.

2. Tell them you’re on a mission from God!

In fact, let them know exactly what God said to you, word for word. How could they possibly deny you after that? Jake and Elwood Blues would be proud. If they aren’t convinced, drop hints that Satan might get involved.

3. Dress and act like one of your characters.

Editors and agents see a lot of people, so make sure they never forget you. The more eccentric you act, the better. In fact, take a replica of an item from your story into the pitch and show your expertise by delving into the item’s significance.

4. Tell them how much better you are than…

JK Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Stieg Larsson or whoever else your story is derivative of. Preferably dump on those authors too, making sure you highlight exactly why they’re so crappy and why you’re so good. By making successful writers look bad you’ll come across as a genius.

5. Invite your friends along to act out a scene from your manuscript.

Make sure there’s plenty of action too – preferably involving real sword fights, firearms or explosions. Bonus points are awarded if you can claim to have made the explosives yourself.

6. Begin with the words…

“I would like to propose to you…” Editors and agents love word-play and will have never heard that one. Other great choices might include: “I know a good hitman…” and “I’ll consider having sex with you if…”

7. Preparation will make you sound dry and boring, so don’t do it.

Be spontaneous instead. Show them just how well you know your story by relating every single detail to them, and for additional kudos points or to get over the potential problem of nerves, have a few drinks before arriving – six or eight should do it.

8. Make sure they start reading straight away.

Print out your entire manuscript for them to take home, but tell them to start reading straight away – you’ll wait. That way you’re sure to hook them and you can start counting your millions almost immediately. As they get engrossed in your story the brilliance of your prose will also make them forget about any other pitches that day, effectively eliminating your competition.

9. Threats are a little old-school, but still effective.

They’ve worked for the Mafia for generations after all, so why shouldn’t they work for you too? Get creative and scare the crap out of them so they’ll sign you up on the spot. For best results bring along a body-builder friend in a dark suit and sunnies.

10. Lecture them about their industry.

You need to prove you know more about it than they do. In fact, tell them you could easily do their job if you just had more time, but you’re being generous by giving them the work instead. Make sure they know just how lucky they are.

Do you have a tip worthy of the list? Let me know by posting it in the comments.

If you’re after some ‘more serious’ articles on writing, check out The Craft.

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