Pitching to an Agent

Conflux, Elevator Pitches and Pitching Sessions

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With Conflux kicking off this Thursday, I thought a post about pitching to agents and editors was in order.

Conflux 9 LogoWhy?

Other than having a good time and catching up with friends at Conflux, I’ll be moderating a panel on pitching (with two agents and an editor), teaching the art of creating elevator pitches during a workshop on Friday morning, and later that day pitching to an editor myself in the hopes of selling my epic fantasy.

So what do I know about pitching? A few things.

The basics…

The best thing you can do is approach a pitching session from agent or editor’s perspective, which means keeping two things in mind:

  1. They want to know that you’re someone they can work with (that you’re not insane).
  2. You have something they can make money from (they’re running a business, not an art-house).

In regard to pleading ‘not insane’:

  • Princess LeiaDon’t turn up in your best Princess Leia slave outfit (I’ve heard of it happening – people trying to be memorable, which they were, but for all the wrong reasons). Go with neat and tidy instead. You want them to remember your story, not your outfit.
  • Be polite and enthusiastic, but not over the top. Think of it as an informal job interview if that helps; keep it casual but on-topic.

In regard to pitching your story:

Your pitch only has one purpose once you get over the insanity hurdle – to get them to request your story. Nothing else.

Therefore:

  • Have a good one-liner that neatly summarises your book and intrigues at the same time (ie, the bulk of what I’ll be teaching at my workshop).
  • Try to get them to care about/empathise with your characters and the situation they’re in (character is story).
  • Give them an overview of the ‘big idea’, particularly if they’re ‘ideas people’.
  • Practice in front of the mirror.

And that’s all you really need to do in five minutes. If you’re attending, I’d love to see you at my workshop. Otherwise, pull me aside for a coffee and a chat.

You can find more details about Conflux and my workshop on the Conflux website. If, however, you’re just looking for a laugh, check out The Top 10 ways to Successfully Pitch to an Agent or Editor – The Cretin’s Guide.

Top 10 ways to Successfully Pitch to an Agent or Editor – The Cretin’s Guide

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1. Arrive late.

It’s what a movie star would do after all – and the best way to achieve success is to model yourself on the successful people who’ve come before you. Agents and editors need to learn to respect ‘the talent’, and you’ve got plenty of it. As punctuality smacks at desperation, never pander to their schedules.

2. Tell them you’re on a mission from God!

In fact, let them know exactly what God said to you, word for word. How could they possibly deny you after that? Jake and Elwood Blues would be proud. If they aren’t convinced, drop hints that Satan might get involved.

3. Dress and act like one of your characters.

Editors and agents see a lot of people, so make sure they never forget you. The more eccentric you act, the better. In fact, take a replica of an item from your story into the pitch and show your expertise by delving into the item’s significance.

4. Tell them how much better you are than…

JK Rowling, Stephanie Meyer, Stieg Larsson or whoever else your story is derivative of. Preferably dump on those authors too, making sure you highlight exactly why they’re so crappy and why you’re so good. By making successful writers look bad you’ll come across as a genius.

5. Invite your friends along to act out a scene from your manuscript.

Make sure there’s plenty of action too – preferably involving real sword fights, firearms or explosions. Bonus points are awarded if you can claim to have made the explosives yourself.

6. Begin with the words…

“I would like to propose to you…” Editors and agents love word-play and will have never heard that one. Other great choices might include: “I know a good hitman…” and “I’ll consider having sex with you if…”

7. Preparation will make you sound dry and boring, so don’t do it.

Be spontaneous instead. Show them just how well you know your story by relating every single detail to them, and for additional kudos points or to get over the potential problem of nerves, have a few drinks before arriving – six or eight should do it.

8. Make sure they start reading straight away.

Print out your entire manuscript for them to take home, but tell them to start reading straight away – you’ll wait. That way you’re sure to hook them and you can start counting your millions almost immediately. As they get engrossed in your story the brilliance of your prose will also make them forget about any other pitches that day, effectively eliminating your competition.

9. Threats are a little old-school, but still effective.

They’ve worked for the Mafia for generations after all, so why shouldn’t they work for you too? Get creative and scare the crap out of them so they’ll sign you up on the spot. For best results bring along a body-builder friend in a dark suit and sunnies.

10. Lecture them about their industry.

You need to prove you know more about it than they do. In fact, tell them you could easily do their job if you just had more time, but you’re being generous by giving them the work instead. Make sure they know just how lucky they are.

Do you have a tip worthy of the list? Let me know by posting it in the comments.

If you’re after some ‘more serious’ articles on writing, check out The Craft.

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